Of course I noticed. You used to never be seen without your flask in hand, leaning against the side of my lighthouse to drown yourself in booze before heading back to the Black Order.
And now that we've reunited, that I've been able to see you as you are now...
You haven't had a single drop.
You have really kept to your promise to be better to yourself.
[He means that sincerely. Actions often spoke louder than words, especially when the person isn't fond of sharing those.]
[ Oh. Well. Maybe he wasn't as stealthy at this as he thought he was. And yet... it's a strange comfort, to know that Flins noticed it, that he kept a quiet note of it. ]
Yeah... well. I had a lotta pain I wanted to try and drown. Never worked, but still went looking for answers to everything in a bottle of a bottle anyway.
I don't know if I'd go that far yet. I might still fuck it all up again and go right back to square one. I've done that before now. And it's not like I still don't want a drink, I do. That part don't go anyway.
...Still. It's been longer than it has before. Never managed five months before. I'm trying to take it day by day. See where it gets me.
[ Well. If he's talking about it, he might as well talk about it.]
Having you around helped a lot. Gave me something to look forward to in a day that wasn't a drink. Never feel like I need it as much, when I'm around you.
You did not know what else to do. Do not blame yourself for finding solace in the only way you could. You were a prisoner for so long both in body and spirit.
Remember, you only learned recently that your chains to Alastor were cut free in this lifetime.
You have nothing stopping you now. I would feel confident saying it will stick this time.
[He smiles a little into the feed, putting a hand to his own heart. That feeling of drinking firewater again. 'Love' had been how Husk described it that one day on the docks.]
And here I thought I was driving you to the bottle with my antics. Colour me pleasantly surprised.
It makes me happy that you see me in such a way. Love can be a powerful motivator, on both ends.
No. I guess I didn't. And I had the Order, too. Two lived of being... someone else's fucking property. I guess it just... I dunno. Like you said. It gave me solace. The one thing I could take as mine, even if it was destroying me.
...Thanks, Kyryll. The confidence means a lot.
[And he does mean that, grouchy and snappish as he can be. The fact Flins has faith in him that he can actually keep on top of his biggest vice... it means the whole damn world. ]
No. Never you. Not in a million years. You drive me crazy in your own ways, all unique to fuckin' you.
Of course I do. You mean the world to me, you know that. I don't say it enough, but still. You do.
...And yeah, guess it does. Ain't no topping it, I think.
It likely kept you alive, as ironic as that sounds. As you know, alcohol does not have the same effect on me. And look how I almost ended up with my life.
[Would the happy buzz of booze have taken the edge off, kept him from trying to snuff his flame out underneath a lighthouse? He can't say. But it probably would've made the years of loneliness he felt a bit more bearable, at the cost of sobriety.]
I feel like it is I who does not say it enough. You have been quite upfront in your affections to me, and yet by nature I am more subdued about them. It's just how I'm made, in that sense.
Know that I'll be sure to help you stay the course. All I wish is for you to be your happiest self. As someone who loves you, that is the least I can give to you.
That's... yeah. I guess it was also how I tried to destroy myself, too. Double-edged sword, y'know?
[And yet it was probably better than what his brain would have done with him without it. In that, he and Flins are depressingly well-matched. ]
I mean, it's okay? I ain't cut up about it or anything. You are who you are, and I knew what I was getting into. I know how you feel, you don't gotta shout it through the rooftops or anything.
...Thanks. That helps. Once I hit six months, I'll probably start telling people. Think half a year is good enough to stop worrying it might fall apart, y'know?
[What dark times they lived through, despite it all. Flins idly wonders if the feelings they had for each other, if they answered them earlier, if anything would've changed. It's only for a moment, though.
Fate played out as it did for a reason.]
That puts my heart at ease. You need not worry of my feelings towards you. They are as deep as the ocean, and wide as the Russian tundra. Even if I test those limits every day with you.
So. How should we celebrate when you reach six months? Having something to look forward to is a common tactic to sticking to your goal.
Maybe. But things are what they are, and I wouldn't change 'em.
[ Sure, they'd gone through hell and back - but those experiences had made them who they are today. Husk isn't one to put much weight in destiny and all that bullshit, but he did think whatever they experienced led them to this. And he wouldn't give up this for anything in the world. It is what it is. ]
I ain't worried about that at all. But still... nice to hear. Very much likewise.
I dunno. I never thought I'd get this far. I don't even know what people do to celebrate this kinda thing. Most of the parties I know have alcohol in them which kinda defeats the point.
[Husk not asking the big questions was such a refreshing change of pace. It kept Flins from overthinking about things himself. It was more treasured than the cat knew.]
We could go to that delightful place that sells pizza with the mouse mascot.
I know I was, I don't spend time with a lotta people generally.
[ God. Is he really going to go to a children's eatery to celebrate his sobriety? Because it will have coins and trinkets. He doesn't need the video on to see how delighted Flins is by the idea of doing that. And he would honestly do just about anything to see that expression on his partner's face.]
I reckon they're probably all a little old for it these days, but sure. Chances of any of the kids ever going there is slim.
You would trick your own children into showing up to your sobriety party? For shame...they would come out of their love for you.
[Now who's the weird parent! It's not him!]
There's one that sticks out in particular. An individual steps into a cylindrical tube while tickets are blown about like they are in a wind storm. The person inside must try to collect as many as possible.
Husk, let's sign you up for that one. Your cat-like reflexes are sure to be in their element.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Oh. Husk wasn't expecting that, unseen an ear flicks back. He's been avoiding talking about it just in case he fucks it up. But, well... ]
I still am, it's one of those things that doesn't go away. You just learn to control it better. But... yeah. It's been five months, now.
...You noticed?
[ Of course he did. Why did he think Flins wouldn't? They spend every day together and Flins has known him a long time. ]
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And now that we've reunited, that I've been able to see you as you are now...
You haven't had a single drop.
You have really kept to your promise to be better to yourself.
[He means that sincerely. Actions often spoke louder than words, especially when the person isn't fond of sharing those.]
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Yeah... well. I had a lotta pain I wanted to try and drown. Never worked, but still went looking for answers to everything in a bottle of a bottle anyway.
I don't know if I'd go that far yet. I might still fuck it all up again and go right back to square one. I've done that before now. And it's not like I still don't want a drink, I do. That part don't go anyway.
...Still. It's been longer than it has before. Never managed five months before. I'm trying to take it day by day. See where it gets me.
[ Well. If he's talking about it, he might as well talk about it.]
Having you around helped a lot. Gave me something to look forward to in a day that wasn't a drink. Never feel like I need it as much, when I'm around you.
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Remember, you only learned recently that your chains to Alastor were cut free in this lifetime.
You have nothing stopping you now. I would feel confident saying it will stick this time.
[He smiles a little into the feed, putting a hand to his own heart. That feeling of drinking firewater again. 'Love' had been how Husk described it that one day on the docks.]
And here I thought I was driving you to the bottle with my antics. Colour me pleasantly surprised.
It makes me happy that you see me in such a way. Love can be a powerful motivator, on both ends.
no subject
...Thanks, Kyryll. The confidence means a lot.
[And he does mean that, grouchy and snappish as he can be. The fact Flins has faith in him that he can actually keep on top of his biggest vice... it means the whole damn world. ]
No. Never you. Not in a million years. You drive me crazy in your own ways, all unique to fuckin' you.
Of course I do. You mean the world to me, you know that. I don't say it enough, but still. You do.
...And yeah, guess it does. Ain't no topping it, I think.
cw: mild suicide ideation mention
[Would the happy buzz of booze have taken the edge off, kept him from trying to snuff his flame out underneath a lighthouse? He can't say. But it probably would've made the years of loneliness he felt a bit more bearable, at the cost of sobriety.]
I feel like it is I who does not say it enough. You have been quite upfront in your affections to me, and yet by nature I am more subdued about them. It's just how I'm made, in that sense.
Know that I'll be sure to help you stay the course. All I wish is for you to be your happiest self. As someone who loves you, that is the least I can give to you.
cw: mild suicide ideation mention
[And yet it was probably better than what his brain would have done with him without it. In that, he and Flins are depressingly well-matched. ]
I mean, it's okay? I ain't cut up about it or anything. You are who you are, and I knew what I was getting into. I know how you feel, you don't gotta shout it through the rooftops or anything.
...Thanks. That helps. Once I hit six months, I'll probably start telling people. Think half a year is good enough to stop worrying it might fall apart, y'know?
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[What dark times they lived through, despite it all. Flins idly wonders if the feelings they had for each other, if they answered them earlier, if anything would've changed. It's only for a moment, though.
Fate played out as it did for a reason.]
That puts my heart at ease. You need not worry of my feelings towards you. They are as deep as the ocean, and wide as the Russian tundra. Even if I test those limits every day with you.
So. How should we celebrate when you reach six months? Having something to look forward to is a common tactic to sticking to your goal.
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[ Sure, they'd gone through hell and back - but those experiences had made them who they are today. Husk isn't one to put much weight in destiny and all that bullshit, but he did think whatever they experienced led them to this. And he wouldn't give up this for anything in the world. It is what it is. ]
I ain't worried about that at all. But still... nice to hear. Very much likewise.
I dunno. I never thought I'd get this far. I don't even know what people do to celebrate this kinda thing. Most of the parties I know have alcohol in them which kinda defeats the point.
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[Husk not asking the big questions was such a refreshing change of pace. It kept Flins from overthinking about things himself. It was more treasured than the cat knew.]
We could go to that delightful place that sells pizza with the mouse mascot.
Cats would enjoy that, yes?
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[ It's fine, they can ignore those for now. ]
...Kyryll are you suggesting I go to Chuck E Fuckin' Cheese to celebrate six months of sobriety?
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[There's a pause. Which is universal for 'yes'.]
Why not? There is pizzas, coins, and little tickets you can earn for trinkets. Does it not sound delightful?
Jun, Varian and Harumasa would love it.
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[ God. Is he really going to go to a children's eatery to celebrate his sobriety? Because it will have coins and trinkets. He doesn't need the video on to see how delighted Flins is by the idea of doing that. And he would honestly do just about anything to see that expression on his partner's face.]
I reckon they're probably all a little old for it these days, but sure. Chances of any of the kids ever going there is slim.
Sounds like you'd like it too, huh?
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[He won't dive into that any further. They're celebrating here.]
Perhaps you should ask them. I'm sure they would love to go if only to join in on your celebration.
I have seen a booth where they shoot tickets at you, Husk. You would do splendid.
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Or. We could just not ask them. And tell them to show up at the address. See their faces when they realise what it is.
[ Because it's an honest 50/50 if he could convince them to go otherwise. ]
Yeah, that's standard in most kids places like that. You get tickets to get a prize. It's like Infant Gambling.
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[Now who's the weird parent! It's not him!]
There's one that sticks out in particular. An individual steps into a cylindrical tube while tickets are blown about like they are in a wind storm. The person inside must try to collect as many as possible.
Husk, let's sign you up for that one. Your cat-like reflexes are sure to be in their element.
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...What.
[ No. What. What the fuck. ]
Like in a fuckin' game show? I'm gonna hard veto that one. Have they got any poker games? Maybe blackjack? I can do those.
[ At the children's restaurant. ]